The foundation of Christianity is forgiveness

The foundation of Christianity is forgiveness. I am not going to pretend I thought that amazing phrase on my own. I am stealing it from Robin Pasley. I have not only stolen it from her, but I am beginning to tatooed it on my heart. Because it is changing the foundation of who I am. It makes sense, doesn't it. It would mean that not only is our purpose to love. But our only purpose is to love by forgiveness. The only purpose of the cross was to offer forgiveness to us. He was motivated by love, but the purpose of his suffering was for forgiveness.

As many of you know I came to Woodland Park, Colorado to be near Ben and Robin Pasley. I have known Ben and Robin since 2001. They have been in my heart for many years and the path became clear to move by them last year. I now live with them and I am beginning to travel with Robin. The same questions keep getting asked to me.

1. What is it like living with the Pasleys?
2. What is changing in you?

I am committed to start blogging about it. I will begin to share my journey living here, what I am learning and how spiritual family can literally change your life.

Living with the Pasleys is that for me. It is my spiritual mom and dad. I will begin to share stories and things I am learning. But plain and simple they are family to me. They have been the best example of spiritual family I have been in my entire ministry life. It is not just impacting my ministry life, it is impacting my heart and soul.

So I invite you into my journey. I invite you into my life. This season of blogging will be about my life with spiritual family, Pasleys, and the spiritual enlightenment I am on. I start this "series" with a letter I wrote to the parole board regarding my attack. Many of you have read all the letters I have written and journeyed with me for the last few years. Most letters I have been convincing the board and the judge of how awful James is. This letter is different. I want to say clearly it is a result of the influence Pasleys have had on my life. They have taught me the beauty of forgiveness and challenged me in the most vulnerable place of my soul. So this letter is the beginning of my blog. I do say thank you to Ben and Robin for being exactly who you are and who you are to me.

Here is the letter:


My last letter to the parole board.
by Holly Morrell on Monday, March 28, 2011 at 9:46pm

July 2nd, 2007 will always be a night that I remember. It was the night that freedom was took from my wanderlust spirit. It was a night where suffering became a daily reality. I will never forget that night. The smell of the air as I ran. The warm Maui wind on my face. I remember the moment James Calvalho-Apo came upon me. I think I will always remember the fight. The kicking and screaming. The weight of his body on mine. I could feel his racing heart on my chest. In my dark days, I can still feel that pounding heart beat on me. There are no words to describe the feeling of being trapped and taken into someone's else's pleasure with no choice of your own. I screamed, but no one heard. I fought, but was losing ground. I want you to know, parole board, it is the worst feeling I have ever felt. For the last 3 years I have been healing, recovering and moving forward in my life. He doesn't steal every day anymore from me. There are now only moments where it still takes my breathe away. He is not in every nightmare, but still rests in that deep place of fear and unsafety. I know someday he won't even be there anymore. I am moving on. I am getting whole. Some people have told me I would never recover, but I am and continue to be.



Today is a day of releasing for me. I don't want to underestimate what this young man did to me. But it is time for me to move on and let go. There has been a lot of change in my heart in 3 years. I pray that that there has been change for him also. Today, over three years later I will not hold James Calvalho-Apo, to be the same man. He might be, but I don't know that. I don't know the journey he has been on. I only know mine. I am a believer of Jesus. I am going to quote a friend when I say, "the very foundation of Christianity is forgiveness." This has been a journey of forgiveness for me and I feel like I am here again. I don't know this young man. I don't know the brokenness that is in him. I don't know what led up to the attack. I know he attacked me. I know his reaction of defense and all the lying he did through the trial. But I don't know what is inside him. Today I offer forgiveness. It is not because he deserves it, but it is given to me every day. It is time for my heart to forgive my offender. I am not here to keep you in prison. I am not here to ask for your release. I am here to say I forgive you. I pray that you receive the forgiveness from me and from Jesus. There is healing and freedom in forgiveness.



This is the last time I will be responding to the courts. I am being taken off the communication line. I am continuing to get healing from this horrible attack. I do know that I do not see myself as a victim of James Calvalho-Apo any longer. I see myself as a daughter of a king.